Processing Tragic Events with Children - Texas Hillcountry and Natural Disasters

Following the recent tragedies in the Texas Hillcountry, Lotus & Lane Counseling wants to ensure parents, teachers and caregivers feel more equipped to have discussions around tragic events. The following was written following the Uvalde school tragedy and has been modified and updated.

The manner in which this topic is discussed, the level of detail and means of processing the tragedy will vary on your individual child, age and developmental level.  Additionally, the information below is targeted more towards parents and caregivers not directly affected by the floods.

First, before talking with your children, check in with yourself, your own emotional state and whether you have fully processed this news. Events like this weigh heavy on our hearts and, even when not directly affected, occupy space in our minds and bodies. Younger children may be less likely to understand the exact series of events or details, but will often be able to pick up on adult anxiety and worry. For older children, it can be helpful to model calm, rational responses in order to help them talk through their worries and fears, while also acknowledging and normalizing the experience of different emotions.  In order to model that calm, it is important that you, as the adult, feel that and take the time you need to process your emotions surrounding this event.

1. Consider the level of information you want to provide: For very young children, it may not be necessary to discuss these events. However, if there is a chance they may hear this from someone else (another child, another adult) it is recommended that parents or guardians discuss this with the child first. You want to be able to share facts and ensure your child is receiving reliable, developmentally appropriate information.  

2. Ask your child what they have heard/ how they are feeling: See what your child’s perspective is, if they have additional information that they may be thinking about and, possibly not sharing, and provide a safe space to discuss and process those thoughts. 

3. Use developmentally appropriate language: 

·      Keep it simple: Try to avoid providing too many details and keep the information as general as possible. 

o   For younger children, this could be something along the lines of, “There was a different kind of storm that happened in Texas and there were people who died/ their bodies stopped working. It is very sad and there are lots of people who are feeling sad. It is okay for you to feel sad”.

o   For older children / teenagers, you might say something along the lines of, “There was a rare kind of storm and flood in the Hillcountry. There were people who died. It was unexpected and it’s okay to feel all kinds of different feelings about it. What questions do you have?”

·      Ensure you are differentiating these floods and storms from typical floods and storms, highlighting that these storms are rare.

·      The way in which you communicate this to your child is a personal choice.

4. Limit their exposure to the news: As much as possible, try not to have the news playing in the background, even if you think your child may not be listening.

5. Provide a sense of control: Provide your child with an avenue to help- this could be something like writing cards to first responders or gathering items to take to donation centers.

6. Focus on safety: Remind your child that the grown-ups in their lives- teachers, parents, coaches, etc. - will do everything that they can to keep them safe. Remind them that this type of event is very rare.

7. Encourage kids to process the events through play and art: Play is the language of children and children process through play. Providing a space for child-led play or opportunities to express themselves through mediums of art can give the child a way to process their emotions about this event. 

8. Look for the helpers: The Fred Rogers quote often comes to mind with disturbing events: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping”.  

 Younger Children’s Book Recommendations:

*The Ant Hill Disaster by Julia Cook

*A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes

*I Am the Storm by Jane Yolen

*Too Much Weather EWorkbook (Link): Created by the Shenandoah Valley Project Impact  

If you would like additional assistance in navigating these conversations, please do not hesitate to reach out. Additionally, a Google doc of therapist providers has been included below in order to ensure you are able to find services that best fit you and your family.

Link: Additional Therapist Providers

Information Obtained from/ Additional Resources: 

NPR:What to Say to Kids When the News is Scary: https://www.npr.org/2019/04/24/716704917/when-the-news-is-scary-what-to-say-to-kids?fbclid=IwAR2vSe-FlDMYf0ztZ0OWIDIlO6JGyH_5EIKQQhdGLlWX7idP4utSLEy-niA Common Sense Media: Explaining the News to Our Kids: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/explaining-the-news-to-our-kids Child Mind Institute: Helping Children Cope with Frightening News: https://childmind.org/article/helping-children-cope-frightening-news/  PBS: Helping Children with Tragic Events in the News: https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/helping-children-with-tragic-events-in-the-news?utm_campaign=&utm_content=1653430501&utm_medium=pbsofficial&utm_source=twitter&fbclid=IwAR3vkEoREfoaElH0ijkAZf7rlKEteuyDd_p2udOvhrj_4iO_tM29jT56Bh0 *National Association of School Psychologists: Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers: ​​https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-safety-and-crisis/school-violence-resources/talking-to-children-about-violence-tips-for-parents-and-teachers?fs=e&s=cl&fbclid=IwAR0kEIvzEu3da-_HgHhYhRYsM2HKyW8DPEJKSUiL3m_KuGMaYUW71CwBC2c&fs=e&s=cl